shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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