that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
