I'm so fucking centered right now
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
