I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
