drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
