i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
