Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
