Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize