i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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