ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
