I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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