I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
