Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
