I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
