yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize