I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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