I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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