we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
