At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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