She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize