i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
