Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize