no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
