This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
