Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
