I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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