he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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