When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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