I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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