I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
