Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
