She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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