Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
MIDGETS
????
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
