i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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