I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
