Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
