the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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