Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
