WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
