A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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