First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
