Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
