He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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