mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
