hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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