the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
