Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
