It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
