I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
