I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
