All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
