New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
