I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
sarcasm needs its own font
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
