The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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