i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there's paper in my vomit.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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