I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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