I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
