my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize