did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Send help, water and tortillas.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
