i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
