im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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